Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35)
Remember back in time with me. Every September, English teachers made you write an essay: “What I did on my summer vacation.” Here’s mine, sort of. Actually, it is a reflection, and a few questions from what I focused on and learned during my summer holidays.
In July, for the first time in years I was very intentional about shifting my focus and energies. I knew it was time for a break. One of my shifts was to leave social media behind for the whole month and stay away from the cell phone as much as possible.
I discovered that I was actually set free to pay attention to what my heart has been saying for quite a while: “You need to be faithful in seeking balance for your life and vocation.”
I have been faithful in withdrawing three times every day for quiet time and reflection. Many people meet me in the results of this daily process, as I have also been faithful, twice a day, in sharing prayers that come from this time aside.
On my break, I chose to come aside in a different way. It was my intent to focus on music, exercise, conversation, good food, getting back to nature, and a bit of romance too. I am here now to share some observations and a few questions with you.
My wife and I were enjoying a sunset walk around the boardwalk at Cobbs Pond in Gander. By the time we reached the final stretch, eventide’s still, magical, holy time of fading light had descended. We were walking and holding hands. It was a tender moment for sure. Just to our left, I noticed a couple sitting in a park Gazebo. They were across from each other. The lady was looking at the man. He was looking at his cell phone. She was in shadow. His face was illuminated by the light from his screen.
The next morning, while out for a stroll I noticed a man walking a dog. Doggie was pretty happy; you could tell by the wagging tail, and energetically doing what dogs do. Guy was on his cell phone, oblivious to both sidewalk and his pet. A little later on, I saw a teenager on a pedal bike heading up the road with no helmet—on a cell phone.
We went to a nice restaurant. Across from our table there was another couple. Their menus were in front of them, unread. Both were engaged with their cell phones.
It gets better.
We left Walmart one evening and headed for the exit in our vehicle. A woman was walking in. She was in the middle of the parking lot road, taking her sweet time browsing on her cell phone. She was completely oblivious as to where she was, or the fact that a line of cars was trying to get through. I was at the lead of that line. I crawled along patiently right behind her, not wanting to startle. I’ll be honest with you: I really wanted to blow my horn.
I am pretty sure that you have a tablet, laptop, home computer, or a smartphone. You are probably using Facebook and/or other social media accounts. Assuming this is so, let me ask you my first challenging question: Have you ever found yourself ignoring someone who is trying to hold a conversation with you, a friend or family member who may even be in the same room as you, because you are totally engrossed or distracted by something on your device?
Another question: What’s up with that? Or: What on earth are we allowing to happen with the relationships that may be ours, because we are constantly gravitating toward a totally different energy and space?
We live in a time when people are really feeling alone. Part of the growth of that phenomena has come from relationships with “virtual reality.” Throughout society, folks are being bombarded by constant possibilities of meaningful contact through making and reading social media posts, really short videos, memes, rant and roar groups, and by posting every symptom or opinion that affects us in the hope that someone will think that what we have to say (or our life experience, wealth and vacations) is awesome enough to share with the whole world. The other side of that, of course, is that we hope someone out there will care and understand our hurts and worries and desire to be wealthy, and on vacation anywhere but here.
You can find pictures of sumptuous meals alongside of posts expressing deep concern over not being able to buy food for the kids. Folks showing off their awesome travels alongside of people who cannot pay rent or find a place to live. What kind of community is that?
Either way, the reward is most likely not mutual conversation, but you just might get a “like”, a heart, or a thumbs up. Or get an “I feel for you” or “I’m Jealous!” We are searching for something to show that someone is paying attention. At least these responses are “something.”
More and more I am convinced that we all need authenticity in relationship, and solitude. See if this fits for you: We live in a time when people are really feeling alone.
We live in a time when people are desperate not to be alone.
We live in a time when people need more time alone.
Let me unpack this:
It seems to me that most of us feel that if we are not constantly trying to engage, respond and comment quickly online, something is wrong with us.
Think of the examples I just shared with you. I watch people at stop signs, in supermarkets, watching television, and while walking and talking to others. In several provinces I have watched people at checkouts engaged with their phones while the cashier was ringing in their purchases. Here are real people, interacting with trade and commerce: a great opportunity to be real. I have seen one or both intentionally ignoring each other in favour of getting this done while engaging with cell phone posts and messages. Give most of us a few free seconds, and we will grab up the phone or tablet and “check something.”
No one wants to be alone it seems.
When was the last time you listened to a full song, read a poem from a book, drew a picture, or even had an awesome daydream? When was the last time you created something that came from you? Why not take a pencil and paper and just draw something? Even stick people have character!
When was the last time you looked into your heart, or the heart of someone you love? When was the last time we looked inward instead of outward?
These are the places where God is waiting to have conversations with you.
Jesus reminded us that we need quiet, refreshment, and solitude.
Throughout the Biblical narrative quiet surrender of body, heart, and mind brought closeness to the Holy. Psalm 46 is a call to reflect on the works of God in History and in the lives of each person. “Be still and know that I am God.”
Jesus’ taking times to be alone is constant in the Gospels. In the wilderness he prepared to begin ministry. In remote places he prepared for difficult situations. It’s how he cared for his soul while receiving strength and clarity. It is how he taught his disciples to live. Are we not followers or at least students of Jesus?
I have been reminded of these things and I wish to share them with you.
Solitude is essential for having conversations with yourself. In solitude, the Spirit is able to help us rediscover the joy of (and challenge) of simply being with ourselves, and discover that we are real and important.
Perhaps then we might even become more attentive to the people who are actually part of our lives. With the Creator’s help we may be amazed at a fresh journey where people are able to tell the story of their lives to others who actually listen with the intention to understand and know the joy and sorrow, success and loss. wealth and poverty that our lives are made of. Surely loving conversation and generosity around these things can be more than two sentence comments or loads of pictures about how good or bad we have it shared on Facebook or Instagram.
If you have questions about how society is being affected by “online life” or Artificial intelligence, please take time to contact Queen’s College and have a chat with Dr. Joanne Mercer or Rob Cooke. They are leading the college through some important discussions in this area, and would be glad to have a conversation with you.
There is much more that I want to write about this. For now, I promise myself and you that I will continue to withdraw daily for prayer, that I will pray for people, and be present for others. When I meet you, I’ll put away my phone, look into your eyes, and breathe along with you.
Let me leave you with this:
As we move into another fall season, I pray that we will make a commitment to creating and visiting sacred spaces. These spaces, should be wherever you are with someone else. A dinner or lunch table, supermarket checkout lines, while watching a movie with a loved one, the car, the garden, or while you are out for a walk.
May these become holy places of conversation, friendship, attentiveness and healing.
Creator, give us each an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works. Amen
