I think it goes without saying that we are currently living in some turbulent times. Then again, looking back over the past decade, I do not think that there has been a time in which we have not said such a statement. Yet, it is true, we are certainly living in some turbulent times. One of the things that I keep asking myself is where is the Church that I was called to serve? The Church of today is certainly not the Church that I was called into to be a priest. I often think that that the Church that I was called to serve in was the Church of some thirty years ago. I guess, the thing that I also find myself asking is: did such a Church really ever exist? Now there is a question: Did the Church that I was called to serve in ever exist?
Over the past couple of years, I find myself questioning institutions that we have taken for granted, institutions who were “always in the right.” I find myself questioning the usefulness of such institutional processes. I find myself explaining things to people when they question me on such things, and as much as I am pulling the “party line,” as it were, I feel that as I am saying one thing, my heart and soul are feeling something else. Is this what some call a “mid-life crisis,” or is this just a reality check? I guess that is something for me to figure out.
Within the past season of Lent, the Gospel appointed for the Fourth Sunday in Lent is the account of Jesus and the man born blind. Looking at that account, and looking at the world around us, there are certainly those who may indeed have their physical sight but are certainly spiritually blind; equally, there are those who may not have their physical sight, but their spiritual sight is certainly 20/20 vision. Maybe what I am going through in my own personal journey at this point in time is the fact that the scales are falling off my spiritual eyes, and I am seeing things for what they really are, and I am questioning everything that I am seeing.
The one thing I need to remember is this: the Church of Jesus Christ is certainly bigger and far more important and any human-made institution. The institutional Church which I work through, has certainly made, and will in the future make, mistakes. It is bound to make mistakes because humanity is involved in its operations. The institutional Church, as much as it is divine, is operated by humans, and is bound to make mistakes. Yet with the humanity of the institution, we must look beyond, and see what it is that we are and should be about. When humanity is involved, mistakes are bound to happen, and hopefully we have the wisdom to learn from such mistakes.
Hopefully some day, I will be able to look back and say that I did certainly serve the Church that I was called to serve.
